Tuesday, August 28, 2012

My Final Reflection

It hits me, as I sit in the tube, now 40 minutes away from the place I briefly called home. This trip, this trip has changed my life. It has changed what I knew and thought about fashion, clothing construction, art and life. I have come to realization after realization about all sorts of things I thought I understood. The main thought that I can not get out of my head is: what would life be like, to wake up and be who you REALLY want to be without the fear of judgement. Up until this moment I believed I had been doing this to the best of my ability, and then, I met Zandra. Being around Zandra made me really think about whether or not I was being who I truly want to be as a person, an artist, and a fashion designer. 
For example, do I wear what I want to wear, or am I a bit afraid of being judged? Would I walk down the street with pink hair tomorrow if I wanted to, or would I be too nervous for the reaction. I see myself as being very much who I want to be most of the time, but when it comes to physical attributes like clothing, hair and look I have still shy away from what I might really want to wear and look like. In fact, because I have not fully entertained the question of what I want to look like and wear without the judgment of society, I can’t fully answer that question right now. 
It took spending time with Zandra Rhodes and Andrew Logan to realize that although I may think of myself as being a ballsy person, I have so much to learn in the way of developing myself in this world. Zandra and Andrew are so comfortable in their eccentric lifestyles, so ok with who they are, how the world sees them, it just makes me humbled to my own level of comfort in relation to all of those things. I have learned so much and yet I have gathered a longer list of things to learn and goals to achieve then the one I came to London with. 
I look out the window of the tube at the blurring landscapes that I may never have the chance to explore, at the lives I will never have a chance to connect with and think about everything. Somewhere deep inside my thoughts, out of the pile of experiences, memories, and visual images emerges, the first glimpse of my senior collection for MassArt that I will create this year. It starts with one defining image, and grows into many. Within minutes my mind is full of color, patterns, garments, hair, makeup, shoes and catwalks. Finally, after searching all summer, the beginnings of my final 5 garments I will create for my last year at MassArt, emerges. 
It is moments like these that I, as an artist, live for. You work, and work and work to be inspired. You can sketch a million sketches without having one of them be right, and then you experience something that changes your life. And what floats to the top of the basin of memories that is now your past, but the thing you have been trying to create through it all, which is for now my future, and all too soon, my past. 
To all of you who have read the insanity that was my Adventure to London, I thank you and hope it has entertained you, inspired you, for just been a laugh on a bad day. I started out writing it for you, but in the end found that it has become a documentation of one of the best trips of my life. 

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